You took leaves and went home. What happens next will blow your mind …..

The only part about the job, apart from quitting, that excites us most is the holidays, which however are in scanty. It’s a match made in heaven if holidays come attached to weekends. The only thing that surpasses this kind of delight is when you walk into a random bar and you are told that its happy hours. As a matter of fact there is one more feeling that leaves even the happy hours way beyond and that is….. (Wait for it) taking a break from your work and going home.  And if this is your first time visit to your house after joining your work then watch out, things in your homes have now changed. And for rest, the experience is just a tab bit lesser than the “Freshers”. Here is a list of what you will come from the moment you enter your house and what follows it after.

1. This is the second best part of going home. You enter home and what you get?? A big royal welcome. If the Spartans in 300 had ever made it home then this is how they would have been welcomedsrk

 

2. Things don’t stop there; you also get to choose what cooks for breakfast, lunch, snacks, dinner and anything that will be cooked in house. The variety of laddos that are prepared on your arrival are just endless

chef

 

3. If you have sibling, I pity them, because the moment you enter home their priority is demoted, automatically and tentatively. And the best part is, most of them don’t even mind because they get those expensive gifts from you now that you have started earning.ezgif.com-optimize

 

4. This sometimes might be a bit awkward. Your dad suddenly begins to discuss grown ass man stuff. Like the politics, future of the country, how Pakistan is fucking with India things like that sort.ezgif.com-optimize

 

5. You become the success story among your immediate neighbourhood (if you are in a MNC else, nobody gives a fuck). But your are still a success story for your parents.ezgif.com-optimize (1)

 

6. The best part has to be this, you will have the TV all for yourself. Nobody will dare touch the remote, even if you have gone to pee.ezgif.com-optimize

 

7. No matter how bad you were in college; when you go home your parents say this to your younger sibling, “Usse maths seek lo thoda.” You start wondering how much did i score in maths anyways ???

ezgif.com-optimize (1)

 

8.  Now that their son/daughter is earning there is whole list of appliances they have to buy and fixing electronics, “Tubelight repair karo.” Seriously?? How the fuck can you fix a burnt out tubelight. The comment section is open for you.

LG Electronics - Home Appliances Commercial 2012

9.You know your mnc generated 2000 cr of profit… Did you get any raise?? And this is my response, ever F-U-C-K-I-N-G time.

'Frustrated Man' trippy GIF collection

If think this question is irritating? Then check out the next.

10. The most irritating one, “Fresher’s” be aware of this one. The neighbourhood aunty who despised you suddenly comes and says (Drum rolls),  “Shaadi ke liye ladka/ladkie dekhna shuru kiya ???”(BTW that’s a rhetorical question)

ezgif.com-optimize

P.S. Ignore this question, answering this will lead you into big, big, big trouble

 

10 over used Bollywood dialogues in Everyday life

Zindagi me aisi bhohat si paristhitiya ati hai jisme hume bollywood ka sahara lena padta hai. Desi swag ki dhun me magna vaykti sochte hai ki ve bollywood ke do teen dialogue maar kar bahot hi cool lagte hai lekin satya kuch aur hai. Bharat varsh ko asamarth ayogya aksham banane me bollywood aur unke sambhasham ka bahot bada hathh hai. Sala har koi Bencho( pardon my language)   dialogue marne me lag gaya hai. We are fucking incapable to converse normally. I mean what the fuck is wrong with us. Like what the fuck is our problem? What? WTF is your problem,WTFIYP. What the (Control… Control uday, control). Isse pehle ki Uday apna apa kho baite List dekhiye. Dhanyavaad

1. Sandarbh: Chota sardar,  kajol se

Yaha vakya karan johar ki pratham chalanachitra kuch kuch hota hai se liya gaya hai. Kash koi use tabhi rokh deta……..

Isse Vakya ka prayog tab karte hai jab koi vyakti ja raha ho aur aapko unhe rokna ho. 

Tussi ja rahe ho tussi na jao

kkht

2. Sandarbh: Srk kajol se Foreign location me.

Yaha vakya Aditya chopra ke pratham chalanchitra DDLJ se liya gaya hai.

Iss vakya ka isthamal tab hota hai jab aap koi chutiyapa karte ho aur pakde jate ho.

Bade bade shehro me choti choti baaten hoti rehti hai senorita

senorita

P S : Senorita kehne se aaj kal koi ladki nahi pattati

3. Sandarbh : Salman  Bhagyashree se

Isse Vakya  ko Suraj ki pehli chalanchitra Maine pyar kiya se liya gaya hai.

Ye vakya ko zyada tar Friend zoned ladke upyog karte hai. Chutiyo …. (Pardon my language again…) band karo uski madat Karna bhaiyya banake chod jayegi.

Dosti me no sorry no thank you

mpk

4. Sandarbh : Baal wale chacha tapori andaz me

90s ke dashak me ye vakya full swag me tha aur aaj bhi kahin chutiye ise upyog karte huae paye jate hai

Bole to ekdum jhakhasss

jackass

5. Sandarbh : Iss vakya ka sandarbh zaruri nahi hai  sirf emotion hi khafi hai

Kutte kamine tera khoon pi jayunga.

dharam

P S : Aaj kal bharat me kutte bhi easyly offend ho jate hai to unke samne iss vakya ka proyog na kare nahi to ve log PIL dal denge.

6. Sandarbh : Mogambo mogambo se Mr.India me

Aap iss vakya ka proyog third person me aap jab khush ho to use kar sakte hai.

Mogambo khush hua.

mrindia

7. Sandarbh : Salman Srk se punar janam wali film me

Yeh vakya Karan Arjun movie mein se liya gaya hai.

Jab aapki G fati ho aur aapk bhag rahe ho tab ek C admi yaha vakya zarur chillayega.

Bhag arjun bhag

bab

8. Sandarbh :  Ajay devgan singham me duniya se naraz ho kar bolte hai.

Lekin iss vakya ka upyog itni baar ho chuka hai ki hum ab ajay devgun ji se naraz ho gaye hai.

Ata maji satakli

sin

9. Sandarbh : AB yaha vakya andheri raaton me sunsan galiyon par kehte hue paye jate hai.

Yaha vakya shehensha me se liya gaya hai.

Yaha vakya itna prasidhh hai ki aap kisi aam admi se puchenge “Kaun ho Tum ???” To zyada tar yahi jawab milega.

Rishte me to hum tumhare baap hote hai.

shensha

P S : Bharat me 1 1/2 intelligent logo ki kami nahi hai.

10. Sandarbh :AB paida hote hi bole…. Haaainnnn…. Haaainnnn… 

AB aaj bhi soch rahe honge kis bencho ne unko ye vakya kehne kaha tha. Ma chud gayi career ki.

Haaaaaaiiiiinnnnn

hayy

10 ankh ka prashna tha to kitne ankh mile ye share aur like karke bataye. Iss list me koi dialogue hum likhna bhul gaye ho to comments me zaroor likhe. Aapke agyakari Kabir aur Das.

The Good the Bad and the Ugly 2.0

Once upon a time, when the world was a happy place(I think so), every one minded their own jobs. Electronics engineers worked on stuff related only to electronics only(Let me take this opportunity to settle a myth once and for all; NO, we do not fix refrigerators, AC’s, fans etc. We are engineers not ur Raju tv repair wala ). Computer science engineers were busy building algorithms and writing programs as they are even today. And then there were the Mechanical engineers, it seemed like they always had fun but yet dedicated to change the world (These guys could actually fix a few things from your garage trash). Nobody crossed  each other’s way, lets call it the “Divide and Rule” Era,  Oh lord!! Those were such peaceful days of glory. But soon it was to be history. It was the 90’s. Everything was falling apart. Metallica was doing soft rock, MJ was defamed of child abuse and Indian Cinema had lost all its self respect by being famous as “Bollywood”. IT ENTERED THE INDIAN SCENE, and all our worlds went crazy. The so-called IT revolution swept its greed in every branch of education there was; BA, CA, LLB, BSC, FCUK, MC, BC and the others.

Now, there are engineers everywhere. You try spit a mouthful of Calcutta Paan on the road and it has better chances of hitting an engineer than the street(We Indians dont use dustbins a lot anyway). Everybody has just one target: to get a job. What job, what duties, what pay? These are questions they grumble about on the weekend after a peg of OLD MONK. The security guards could at times have a better pay, but the mission was to get a job not the pay. So MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Once they are in, the next mission is already assigned to them by the Commander-in-Chief: ON SITE. It’s like “Welcome to the Matrix”. ON SITE has ruined more lives than alcohol, drugs, love affairs, relationships and the numbers are only increasing. The number of natural deaths is expected be lesser in a few years.

So the million dollar question remains, who will be the first to get the On Site opportunity, Find out here: